Ralph

My homage to Rizzo the Rat but named Ralph, after the man who was responsible for feeding us at the RBBB Clown College in Baraboo, Wisconsin.

In 1993, Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Clown College went from being in Venice, Florida to the Circus World Museum in Baraboo, Wisconsin. Unlike the setup they had in Florida we had lunch and dinner provided for us on site by a fellow named Ralph. I can't remember his last name at the moment but Ralph, who owned a restaurant in town, personally cooked our meals five to six days a week. It was rich, buttery, flavorful, high caloric and always included lots of meat. Were it not for the fact that we were working off those calories like crazy we would have become as big as a circus tent... a least a one ring tent.

Out of the thirty omnivorous students in our lot was a lone vegan. She was a young lady from, appropriately enough, San Francisco, named Sasha Breitman. Now, it must be understood that any special dietary needs were known well beforehand by the appropriate Clown College staff in order meet the dietary needs of all the students that were about to begin very physically demanding training in clowning and the circus arts.

Ralph's menu was reminiscent of what's served at the Cracker Barrel: most of it was brown, deep-fried or covered in gravy or all of the above. There were veggies on the menu but were battered and deep- fried or if not, were sauteed in lard and served on a glistening bed of butter. I come from the land of butter and lard so I'm o.k. with that but not so for our dear vegan friend. Mmmmm...deer. On that first lunch we got our meaty delights to gleefully devour as we watched Bugs Bunny cartoons and Faulty Towers.

When it was Sasha's turn to order she looked at the menu and listened to Ralph's suggestions. I think he tried to offer her a kielbasa salad covered in blue cheese dressing. Vegans were totally alien to Ralph and quite possibly to most of Wisconsin but he tried as best as he could to provide for her daily sustenance. She came to sit at our table and on her white styrafoam plate was a single, raw, unsliced, yellow squash as per Sasha's request.

The same routine was played out daily for the duration of Clown College with Ralph suggesting a certain vegetable dish and Sasha dining on a raw potato or half a dozen carrots. I don't know if Ralph ever saw a vegan again but I'm certain if he did he would still be tempted to serve her eggplant stuffed with pork ribs and wrapped in bacon. So, here's to Ralph of Baraboo, Wisconson: server of all things animalia and friend to veggy chompers. May your deep-fryers blaze a tasty, greasy trail for all vegans to follow.